randomisious

i don't know how to express this feeling, how to express all the things i want it to be. yes, i'm in the difficult path, teach me how to take the best choice or the best way to express something. or anything.
well i don't want to be like an anarchist to do brutally..
i am ME. this is ME. the simply ME. the other side of ME.
2 days ago i felt that i do really not me. not i supposed to do. like a crazy girl to demand the things from ppl. ppl i love. i don't know if i did a mistake. i just tell the truth, what i'm feeling of, what i'm thinking about. i don't want to be sorry for all the things i did or said.
cause i read in twitter:

LargerThanWords
Never apologize for saying what you feel, because that's like saying sorry for being real and honest. #LargerThanWords

i know it's so ridiculous and so tiring ppl.
my over-want-to-be-known-act is deeply annoying. >,<"
that's why i said: yes, i'm in the difficult path, teach me how to take the best choice or the best way to express something. or anything.

ppl said me: "YOU'RE KINDA CRAZY!"
it hurts. but yeah, i think the same.
i didn't know what's going on with me, i felt that was really NOT me. for sure!

and i swore to my self that i will never do the same thing again. for the second times, or third times, or so on. i don't want! I DON'T WANT! really! i'm serioulsy!
it's awkward.. why am i so labile this much..
and the Only One who knows me and never ignores me no matter what is only my Dad. yes, Jesus Christ. my awesome Loving Father, my Plan Maker and my Miracle Worker.
though, i had felt how to tell my feeling to Him.. how to pray.. how to express this all..
i felt really so random, so sad, so mad, so messy.. >,<
i just let His Holy Spirit pray.. perfects me..
and in this phase, i rest...

it's such a little part to formation my character. to rise me into next level quality.
no choice, just enjoy the time.. enjoy the process.. *exhales..
and i let it pass as its time..
it was ashamed me, but i don't want to regret for this.
i know that every season has its reason.. and every haps has their lesson to learned.
in this circumstances, i just learn at least.. how to be patient, how to control my self, be positive thinker, and a humble girl to be corrected and formed.
and i declare it's the NEW ME. the real NEW ME. :] (Y)
i don't want to wasting my time anymore to the things not principle.


and..
Now, i want to focus for my NEXT PURPOSES. the things are not seen yet.
and i learn to SEE this things UNSEEN. it's called Faith!
Faith in storm? Faith in circumstances?
how to have Unshakable Faith for every shaking condition, and more become strong...?
1 thing: i realize how GREAT God's love for me. remember it everytime. and it helps! it's laid the strongest strength i've ever known.
"The Lord knows your hopes, but your faith is what moves God." amen for that!
that's why how i really excited to increase and steep my FAITH on Him.
i heard the words about faith from my Pastor:
"faith is not related by the circumstances, faith is related with the PROMISES!"

speak is really easy, but to act is not as easy as its speak.
that's why we need perserverance to walk step by step.. day by day.. faith by faith..
just remember the promises. remember the fulfillness.
our faith in Him will never be disappointed. :]
God sees the heart..
still pray, still hope, still still believe, still persevere.. until something happen!